Dreaming My Sanity Away

I heard rumor of the crazy pregnancy dreams, but boy howdy have these dreams been doozies.

I don't know what my brain is trying to work out with shit like this:

I am on an ancient Norse island in the middle of a foggy bog.  I am travelling as the only woman with a band a huge viking hunters.  It's not weird.  We are on a little island and they tell me this is the only area that doesn't have werewolves.  Okay.  But we are going over there, to the mainland where there are werewolves.  Why?  Because we are vikings and that's what we do.

So off we go to hunt a white wolf that is being controlled by the werewolves.  I try to take a shot with my bow and arrow but suck and almost hit one of our hunting wolves.  At this point they ask me to stop trying. We get the white wolf.  We are sitting down to have some wolf jerky and then there It is.

Sort of but not really.

A 10 foot tall beast with horns and glowing red eyes that screams like the monster from Lost comes bearing down clearly after me.  So I scramble away, around the fence next to the plastic garbage cans to hide behind the big red Coca-Cola vending machine where I crouch and wait to hear the beast scream again.  It doesn't.  I wake up.


I don't know. 

And even when I'm like dozing, I will have these really vivid day-dreams.  But its always stupid stuff.  I should start visualizing having a pain-free delivery instead of dreaming about being at work hours before I get there. 

Tracking Pregnancy

They have all of these awesome pregnancy trackers and apps for your phones and SCORES of websites to tell you all about what's going on with your little proto-human while it siphons your will to live as it grows.

There are even fun 2nd trimester counters that are just adorable and apparently useful!  Like a Kick Counter!  Awwww.

Ow, baby!

There's 3rd trimester counters too for contractions!  Neato!

Russian babies are precious!

What is lacking is are 1st trimester counters.  They could make really useful ones like Dry Heave Counter or Times You've Peed Today Counters or The Cat Made Me Howl In Pain Trying To Make Biscuits On My Boob Counters.

Seriously.  Where's the 1st trimester love?!